@Nich2022

Oneitis? Coping with Regret.

What’s up brothers, this is a shorter post of my previous one:

How do you guys cope with knowing the fact you lost a good girl (whatever that means to you)? We had amazing chemistry and I even convinced her to accept a one sided open relationship. I made sure to tell her this before the relationship, actually on the first few dates. And we had a threesome.

We were together for 3 years and the relationship was never fully agreement free. Due to me and my inability to communicate effectively and solve our problems - which I’m working on now.

Long story short, she finally left, because she couldn’t trust me and claimed we have different views on marriage. I essentially tried to get her back for a month straight in which I said I’d be monogamous (I meant it cause I was tired of sleeping around), and I’m willing to work on myself for the betterment of the relationship. We argued about finance structure in marriage and decision making. I wanted to be the leader and she wanted us to be an equal partnership (not wrong in terms of marriage). Remind you we been together for 3 years and this never was an issue.

So yeah, she finally left and now is talking to new men and finally blocked me. I understand most trp principles and have a few plates; so maybe it’s oneitis…My issue was that before she left, I didn’t really care to change anything as my ego was through the roof. She was an 8.5 in my eyes. Did almost everything right. Not a feminists or sjw.

The guilt that I let this one slip away is eating me up. Knowing I can do nothing about it. She turned cold. She’s 28 and on the prowl and we were talking about marriage and getting engaged this year. And that still wasn’t enough.

I’ve been hoping she reaches back out but I doubt it. If she loved me like she said she did, why not give a second chance? I never lied and we were so close. Unless it was all a facade.

During that month of trying to win her back, she did pop back up at my house but I was hesitant and kind of blew her off. This is what’s eating me up the most. I should have just set my ego aside and went all in, then.

Anyone else have similar experience? How long before you moved on? How did you move on? how long did the regret linger?

I have a lot going for myself but now I feel lost and so de-motivated. I’m still working hard but the drive is less now.

My advice to myself: I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone. I got too comfortable and had a big ego because she was a unicorn in my eyes, especially accepting the OLTR setup AND being a traditional woman. I put her on a pedestal. Nothing I can do besides move on.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=87Q042KlxI4

As I said before, If a girl's looking for guys she might form exclusive relationships with and that's not at all what you're offering, you're not loosing anything by encouraging her to continue seeking out other guys looking for the same thing as her. It frees you to resume wrapping up your Johnson to dive between the next willing girls legs as you continue riding the dragon without any burdens or regrets. Why concern yourself with exclusive relationships when that's of no interest to you? Keep going until you reach the point where you sincerely desire something more fulfilling than just casual fornication on your own initiative.

You're not feeling guilty about her departure, but disappointed that she didn't leave on terms you'd set. She rejected you after three years and your ego's mildly bruised from it. If you had one-itis or otherwise sincerely valued what you had with her, you would've spent those three years gradually weening yourself off the plates and reached out to us sooner to learn how to take steps to lay a foundation with this girl from which a strong relationship might grow. Now that it's over, you should take the time to process and accept this failure as you move on. Put her on block from your social media and tele-comm contact points, bang the other plates in your inventory, and consider studying the book so you're prepared to handle chicks you think are worth keeping around.

@Thenopill

Do I have this right?

From what I understand, it seems that they prefer a relationship dynamic where one person holds most of the power. They seem to want to play a secondary role and aren't necessarily looking for equality. In fact, if they do find themselves in an equal relationship, they will seek someone else. Is that the case? Because that goes against my values. If that’s what they are looking for, it feels similar to someone engaging in self-harm behavior, and I’m not willing to be part of that. I’m not here to be ridiculed, I will not change my values. Unless I’m wrong I will take whatever dignity I have left and head over to MGTOW and try to cope without needing them in my life. Before you call me gay, I wish I was I would be happy.

Even though our society increasingly expresses a retarded amalgamation of Marxism and gyno-centrism, males will never be exempted or absolved from being held responsible and accountable for the failures and incompetence of the members of their household. As such, a man has no choice, but to lead the relationship, though he's free to develop a leadership style that suits him and his mate. Some styles are beneficial to laying a strong foundation from which a healthy household may grow, but most are not.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

That said, in order for a male to lay a solid foundation from which a strong relationship with any female can be had, the man must first earn her confidence. Frustrating as that may seem, this is the unavoidable natural progression of all relationships. Without earning her confidence, you'll never have her trust. Without her trust, you'll never have her respect. Without her respect, you'll never have her love. Her desire for you is a fleeting thing that will only last for so long.

If a female ever declares that she will not follow a man, or you discern that she's so profoundly psychologically damaged that you could never earn her confidence then it's in both parties best interests that the man quietly depart to find companionship with a female who will grant him reasonable opportunity to earn her confidence. No pu$$y is worth dehumanizing oneself, fighting for, or dying over.

@SeasonedRP

Commodity price trends over the last few centuries say you're wrong.

Paul Ehrlich's predictions in The Population Bomb and elsewhere often get pointed to in this discussion. He wasn't wrong about resource depletion, but his prediction timelines were off because of ongoing advances in resource extraction. Sure, humankind has kept up with rising demand far beyond the limits seen by Ehrlich in his time, but at the cost of massively increasing entropy. For example, massive strip mining and leaching operations to capture minerals, and the Faustian bargain of fracking to keep wells producing that were declining with traditional methods but at a higher price per BTU and much more dire deferred environmental cost.

China is facing a catastrophic future due to its idiotic one child policy.

Probably the worst example. China has managed to industrialize and raise the individual standard of living far faster and better than almost EVERY nation in modern history, in large measure BECAUSE of the one child policy.

does not portend well for the future of these countries

Exactly WHAT is troubling about stabilizing population numbers at some fraction of where they are today, in the name of prosperity for all into the distant future? Many of the arguments I've heard against it are economic and boil down to top quintile no longer able to exploit the growing masses for profit and wealth concentration upward. The quiet part seldom said out loud is fear that "their" race will get "taken over" by other races. Proponents of either of these arguments never seem to bring a viable answer to the question of HOW to sustain an ever-growing population on a limited planet to the table.

@redpillschool Strange example, for she is not wrong; and I wonder if this conversation stemmed from Trump's recent announcement of a Motherhood Medal as part of an initiative to get American women to have more babies.

This is a TERRIBLE idea, for the world has too goddamn many people already all competing for nowhere near enough resources to sustain this level of population for very many generations.

One tiny example of this was at the hardware store trying to buy basic ass 2X4s for a project, and the sorry-ass wood available today compared to what I remember being able to buy in the 80s. Sorry-ass fast-growth wood with soft loose rings, already warping badly before leaving the store. Billions of people needing wood products, means tree farms and managed regrowth forests can't keep up with demand. This is true for every natural resource.

Imagine a world where continuous population growth wasn't a necessity of the dominant economic systems, where every vagina wasn't expected to the point of active incentivization to pop out 3+ babies regardless of quality or qualification, where humans VOLUNTARILY normalized having fewer kids to stabilize the world population closer to say the arbitrary figure of 1 billion people?

There is/was an organization called VHMET, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, that existed to promote this very idea. Literally everyone I tried to discuss the idea with responded with surprisingly strong emotion: That's the STUUUUPIDDDESSSST IDEA EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!11!!!1!!!!! Very few seem to want to face the idea that humanity mindlessly growing forever like bacteria reaching the edge of their petri dish, is INvoluntarily fatal to the population at large.

Red Pill angle on aspect of the Abrego Garcia case

Part of the narrative against popular Right Wing Punching Bag Abrego Garcia is that "He's a wife beater, she had to get a restraining order against him!!1!" Those who bother cutting through the noise and bias of this case to look into details will find her side of this story. She claims she was traumatized by events from a prior relationship, and knew she'd have to exaggerate her claims against him to make a restraining order stick. She has since recanted her testimony against him used to obtain this restraining order, and wishes to be reunited with him and current charges dropped.

Goes to show that "believe all women" and our gynocentrically oriented family court system, can contribute to the Government ginning up a narrative against a high profile man they are trying to make an example of, and wind up helping get his ass deported to a slave labor gulag in a foreign country!

@alchemist

Plate continues egging on for more attention aka "spinning" - what's the next move?

TLDR: Red flag plate caught feelings and wanted more than casual but went right back to initiating hookups—felt like a test to push me into commitment. Meanwhile, I met a new girl who's chill, drama free, and refreshing. Now red flag is pushing for quality time again and guilt texting when I don’t give a straight yes. I’ve got other plates in rotation now and more value to offer. Red flag’s consistent but draining. Not sure if I should cut her off or throw her a small bone to keep things smooth without compromising frame or future prospects.

---

I previously posted about the woman with the red flags that I was just spinning as a plate and she got all upset about the fact that we were just casual and said that casual sex was hurting her mentally (even though she was inviting me 9 out of 10 initiations past midnight) -- she tested my frame, had a whole tear session talking about how her therapist asked her to have the "where do we stand talk" with me and whatnot. I said I wouldn't rush into a relationship, especially since I don't see a lot of the traditional things my Eastern European parents' culture had instilled in me in her.

The next part of the story: following weekend, she invites me over, not a word about the previous tear session, she was being extra pushy to get into the bedroom. WTF I thought, all that must have been a show, a huge shit test to push for my commitment, when she knows that I won't hand it out like an ad flyer.

Anyways, that same weekend the following night I go out and meet a different girl, a whole other can of worms. There was this Greek night that happens once every several months at a local restaurant I met her at, it was going on till later in the night and I had obligations in the morning, so I left early. But this new plate was being much more agreeable and easier to be around. None of this combativeness. She invited me the following week to hang out, had some great sex, and afterwards she said she had been celibate for 2 years randomly.

Now, do I believe that? Probably not, but she graduated college and works as a babysitter and seems very aloof and rose-lensed, kind of shy, I wouldn't bet my money that she was celibate, but I have had a date with an actual virgin (a woman that hadn't even held hands with a man before) and I saw some of those similar qualities in this new plate, but of course all women are good with reputation management so I take their words at face value and follow the actions.

Anyways, I set up another time to hang out with my new plate (this Friday) - but now my original plate, red flag girl, asks if I'm free Friday night. Mind you, she just invited me over last night to fuck, and we did. I said, idk yet I might have to get up early on Sat. Which, she knows I have a lot of obligations 2-3 jobs at a time, but still, shit-tests me again. I get this long paragraph text, I'll paste it verbatim:

"okay wellll i know i have continued inviting you over and whatnot but i meant what i said about wanting to spend time with you that isnt just late night/my bed. doesn’t have to be anything crazy but i kinda was hoping if you were around friday evening we could plan something. if friday doesn’t work that’s fine, there are other days that we could do something or if you’re just not interested in that at all that’s fine too but please let me know that"

It's been 3 weeks since the last "crying session" and this is the first time she gives me pushback since that.

I'm not entitled to give her a whole night; you take what I give you. This second plate I told the same ordeal, she asked if I could hang out with her this last Friday evening, I said I'd be busy with Easter events, she said have fun, maybe next week. That's it, none of this combativeness and entitlement.

Also, I have a date set up Thursday evening, because fuck it, I'm expanding plates for this first time, in the past I'd have plates fall after a couple weeks, but now that I've leveled up, I've created more time and value to allow for that.

But I'm still perplexed what I am to do with this first plate. Do I let it drop finally? She's been the most available, but also hard in certain ways and good in others. It's been 5 months now and I've had to train her too much, it's like I bought a car that was used and restored it and modified it, but I could have bought the car I wanted from the get-go instead. What would you do?

Edit/ Solution: seeing that this plate previously had avoided the casual only topic after I reinstated/ introduced my frame, I should do the same course of action by not falling for the commitment puppy eyes bait. I could set up an activity, but that would ruin possible other plate spinning opportunities. She has got a long way to go from getting LTR'd and caving to the second major shit test would only weaken my value and future prospects. Seems one of those cases where you have to dig through a lot of shit to find gold, I just need to keep digging and not fall prey to shit testing.

What's would be your next move?

"Next move"? Honestly, I wouldn't have gotten myself into that sort of situation to begin with. I deal with Alchies. Regardless, if you'd bailed several weeks ago there likely wouldn't be any "next move" beyond updating your plate inventory, call-blocking, and in the extreme case, a restraining order. Love Hurts, and there's no way to soften the blow of ejection.

I pity the other poor bastard she's latched onto.