Field Report: Date with an HB – Lots of Laughter, Physical Contact, but No Kiss (Looking for Feedback)

Context and Background

Last night, I went on a date with a girl who is clearly attracted to me. The date went well in many ways, but there’s one major issue I need to fix: I didn’t kiss her.

It’s not like there weren’t any good moments. There were plenty of opportunities where I could’ve gone for it, but I held back. Why? Probably because I’m still fighting with a “nice guy” mentality that makes me hesitate when it matters most. I want to break down what went well, what didn’t, and get some solid feedback from the veterans here.

What Went Well

1. Consistent Physical Contact:

   • I maintained a good level of touch throughout the date:
     • I touched the inside of her leg.
     • I held her hands frequently.
     • I stroked her neck and fixed her hair.
     • At one point, I even kissed her hand in a playful, confident way.

   She seemed comfortable with all the touching—she never pulled back and even leaned into it at times.

2. Handled Shit Tests Well:

   • She threw a few shit tests my way, but I kept my cool and responded confidently without coming across as needy. I stayed mysterious, which seemed to intrigue her.
3. Used Humor Effectively:
   • I had her laughing the entire evening. I teased her lightly about things she did and made playful jokes. She was smiling nonstop and seemed to genuinely enjoy herself.

What Went Wrong

1. No Kiss:
   Despite the physical contact and positive vibes, I failed to make a move for the kiss. There were moments where it felt right, but I hesitated. The reason? Overthinking. I kept wondering, “Is this the right moment?” or “What if she pulls back?”

2. Too Much Humor, Not Enough Sexual Vibe:

   • Looking back, I realize I focused too much on making her laugh and not enough on creating sexual tension. The dynamic leaned more toward “you’re funny” than “I want you.”
3. Mental Blocks in Conversation:
   • There were moments where I couldn’t think of what to say next. My mind just went blank, and I felt the need to scramble for a topic to avoid awkward silences.

Lessons Learned and Strategies for the Next Date

1. Stop Overthinking the Kiss:

   • The kiss doesn’t have to be a huge deal. Next time, I’ll focus on acting when the moment feels right without overanalyzing. If she pulls back, I’ll just smile and say, “Don’t be shy, I know you want this,” and try again.

2. Reduce the Comedy:

   • I can’t be the stand-up comedian of the night. Humor is useful, but it needs to be balanced with moments of deeper, more seductive tension.

3. Create Sexual Tension:

   • I’ll experiment more with body language and tone of voice. I’ll slow down my speech, hold eye contact longer, and add flirty lines that show my intentions, like:
     • “That smile of yours is dangerous.”
     • “You know you’re playing with fire, right?”
4. Embrace Silences:
   • I’ve realized I don’t need to fill every moment with conversation. Silences aren’t enemies—they’re opportunities to create tension. If I can’t think of anything to say, I’ll just smile, hold her gaze, and let her feel the moment.

Next Steps

Tomorrow night, I have another date with a different girl. This time, I’m determined to correct the mistakes I made yesterday. My goal is simple: don’t be the guy who makes her laugh all night but doesn’t escalate the interaction.

I’m here to learn and improve. If you have any advice, criticism, or suggestions, I’m all ears. I don’t want to waste opportunities like this again.

@mimek

Chat GPT has been my only venting/advice source

Its programmers are a bunch of feminists and bloopies. I can tell that some of the advice it has given you is total garbage by your talk about "emotions this" and "communications that".

1) Have you read the sidebars at /r/TheRedPill and /r/MarriedRedPill? Start there, especially MRP.

2) I highly recommend Rian Stone's YouTube channel. He has a bunch of sidebar series videos that are intended as companion pieces (and not substitutes for) the readings.

3) work your MAP. all you can do is make yourself a more fuckable man; you can't make her want to be with you though. She still has decisions to make.

4) keep in mind that the relationship is the woman's problem, not yours. Your job is to get sex. Getting sex is more likely the more fuckable you are.

5) accept that this is likely over, and be ready for the divorce and/or fucking other women instead of her.

6) the more you apologize for the past and the more you seek her approval, the less attractive you become to her. Your groveling just confirms in her mind that she made the right decision by leaving.

despise the beta male I was prior to the separation. I wish to NEVER go back to that version of myself.

A) Then you must stop putting yourself below her by seeking her approval.

B) get in your head the way Athol Kay and MRP use the terms "alpha" and "beta". Beta isn't bad; it's relationship comfort. However, it must be earned by the woman. Unearned beta behavior is repulsive and off-putting.

That's about it for now. You have a lot of reading to do, especially NMMNG, WISNIFG, and MMSL.

and seriously, stop using chat GPT for advice. It's terrible.

Im new here but have lurked from time to time. My wife and I recently separated couple months ago, she moved out to an apt down the street with the kids (2yr and 9yr), signed a 1yr lease. We're cordial but I hit a ceiling with her where she wont open up intimately with me. She claims she "we are definitely making progress to repair, but I still need time to heal" which I know is total BS and called her out on it. How do I break through this barrier? Because I know there wont be some random moment when she decides to open up by just waiting around and hoping one day that she finds the emotions to do so, but rather there needs to be a catalyst to speed her along.

Some Context:

• We've been married for almost 10yrs.
• We both work
• Wife is Eastern EU raise with conservative values (yet she moved out... I can thank her bitch friends for that)
• She's stubborn, prideful, ego, and likely holding my previous behavior against me despite claiming not to
• We got into a stupid argument where i said F this and hopped on a plane to see my friends in MX to chill out which triggered the separation
• She's slowly warming up to me, we go to events and hang out like couples would together, without the sex and what not
• Nobody else is in the picture, I know that.
• Since the separation roughly 3 months ago, I have lost roughly 25lbs, been working out consistently, changed my wardrobe almost completely, increased my confidence, and despise the beta male I was prior to the separation. I wish to NEVER go back to that version of myself.
• She has acknowledged all these positive changes to me and is aware of them.
• She is aware of my expectations and boundaries (I need her to stop thinking about it and take risks to move forward with our relationship)
• We've had "discussions" to "help" with repairing, but those discussions left me feeling empty and unfulfilled. She claims they help with progress but I feel they only help to sooth her and allow her to coast on her decision rather than confronting this separation
• Arguments between us are way down, weve had a few here and there, active communication has increased, but again, this isn't helping me get her back.
• Chat GPT has been my only venting/advice source (I know how to use it VERY well, have provided a role and seasoned it quite well, but still not completely accurate)

My goals are either to:

• Break through this stupid barrier which is holding us back from a healthy relationship moving forward
• Emotionally Distance myself from her (cant do no contact because of kids, i'm already doing smart contact) because she seems to be reluctant to want to open up... Shes waiting for time to magically change her mind to open up
• Help managing my emotions and processed with moving on because of her stupid behavior and reluctance to open up... I wont allow myself to be put through this pain forever, and soon the time will come where I'm better off just throwing in the towel.

If i'm missing context, i'll add to it later after some comments

@kv2_0833

How to manage own ego

Not sure how to effectively summarize my own question but essentially it boils down to:

Is it better to ignore your ego and brush everything off and see people for who they are and that they're just fulfilling their needs (mindset I had when I was doing heavy psychedelics)

OR

Give in to your ego as a strong ego goes hand in hand with a strong frame

This question has been on my mind since I am still clearly bothered by my first ex who I dumped after she was moving shady, I don't think she cheated but she was hanging out one on one with guys, who if I'm being completely honest, did not measure up to me in any avenue and I saw them as quite pathetic. But they were clearly into her and eventually I just got sick of the shit and decided I would rather not date someone who does that, she spun stories and whenever I would figure them out, the lies would get more and more elaborate but whatever that's besides the point.

So I find out one of my "friends" was hanging out with her one on one during the tailend of my relationship and dumped his own girl to be with her after I broke things off. I'm not going to lie, I might have ended things but that's only after I got severely mentally f*cked, I might have not lost frame completely since I had other options at the time but the damage was done mentally. I was raised to be a goody two-shoes and spending too much time with a naturally manipulative person who was a self-described pathological liar gave me migraines.

This "friend" does not come near me in terms of looks or physique, but is probably slightly more socially adept, though he hangs out with people no one cares about.

I've "moved on" since, this was about two years ago and I have gotten with much hotter girls with significantly less mental issues, however I am part of the same sports community as her and that dude. I have a lot of status in this community merit-wise, I dominate in the sport, however she is a pretty girl and the community is full of simps and she's always trying to come watch my games etc. Honestly I would sleep wit her if I didn't know the manipulation and games that would come after, she's just not worth that headache.

That being said, I feel like a dumbass since I didn't even notice they were dating. I never realized this dude I thought was my friend could break bro code and keep acting friendly and dapping me up for months after they started dating. I honestly just want to cold shoulder him now and amog him but I know that's my ego and it's clearly driven by insecurity of some sorts. Maybe it still bothers me since she was my first but god damn I thought I would've been able to move on after 2 years. There have been periods of time where I felt nothing towards them, and once again the feelings are as intense as ever when I was the one giving the cold shoulder last.

I honestly realize this is a pathetic vent, but I'm sick of thinking of them. I'd appreciate any thoughts atp

As it's the season for giving, consider gifting your "friend" a reliable ready reference they can pick up and study to better prepare themself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get them a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you let your friend review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what he aspires for himself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you think he'd like to add to his library. It should also be available on libgen of that link gives you problems.