@AbusiveFather1

how to be universally liked at your job?

I work in a female-dominated environment - what do you think is the best strategy (other than being professional and efficient) to become liked by as many people there as possible (including males)? I know it’s impossible to be loved by absolutely everybody, but I’d like to create a sort of barrier for myself in case I catch some heat for whatever reason (there’s always somebody complaining about something or someone).

Also, how to say no to people without antagonizing them? I try to be kind to people (not because I’m a saint or whatever, but I feel like that usually gets you a good response), and eventually some people try to walk over me, in which case I shut it down hard but that usually makes them hold a grudge (even though it was they who tried to use and abuse me).

There’s a guy who’s been working there for a while, and girls complain about his personality and him asking personal questions, which sucks because I can definitely see that he’s trying to get along with them and avoid bullshit at work.

So when I’m kind there will be characters who will try to mess with me, but when I’m neutral and what I would call just, then people are much less receptive to that and I make many more enemies that way.

Consider reading the following 2014 article.

@AbusiveFather1

are women always a net loss for men?

do you believe any relations with women are a net loss in the end? some men say that short term flings, long terms girlfriends, even wives, end up costing you more than what you gain, and that a man would be better off if it were possible to completely rein in sexual urges and be at peace with loneliness. on the other hand, some men say that their partners fulfill the role of a muse and give them inspiration and creativity - but i wonder if these same men could somehow find a way to be just as productive without women in their lives?

Women are no more a net loss for men to deal with than it is for women to deal with men, or for men to deal with other men, or women to deal with other women. However, if having a female in your life is something you experience to be a net loss, then you're likely pairing off with the wrong sorts of females. A lot of men who go out into the dating world, do so with no insight, preparation, or prior instruction. The closest thing to it they may get is usually in the form of some Hollywood flick they found appealing.

Unfortunately, dating and romantic relationships in real life don't work like that. It's simply not in Hollywood's best long-term interests to be known for telling the audience the truth when lying has thus far been vastly much more profitable for them. This is why I suggested the book to you last year as it'll enable you to at least better filter out the undisciplined females who would otherwise just waste your time and energy dealing with them.

@AbusiveFather1

health insurance

i'll preface by saying that i'm new in the USA and i've been working dead-end minimum wage jobs since i got here. right now i work in a nursing home and i don't get health insurance through my employer: i pay 20 bucks to get the shittiest bottom-of-the-barrel insurance which at best gets me a yearly checkup and some ER coverage.

i have a spinal disc herniation and a couple of disc bulges. before i left my country, i consulted the doctors there, they saw the images of my spine and said i might need a surgery down the line, if the symptoms got worse. what do you know - they did. so now i'm thinking about ways of getting this procedure done; i'm told it'd take forever to get any treatment with my shitty insurance, nevermind something expensive like a surgery - even the nearest appointment is months away. any advice on getting proper healthcare for cheap?

So, if I've got it straight, you came to the US with an already damaged body. Some years later, those injuries have reached a point where you can no longer ignore them, without it severely impacting your health and quality of life going forward. Unfortunately, you can't engage those injuries due to the expense as the insurance you currently have is insufficient to do so and your income can't otherwise cover the bill.

Depending on what state you reside in and your age, you might be eligible for medicaid, or medicare, assistance. While I think someone mentioned marrying someone who's receiving employer provided insurance, US citizenship isn't as valuable as it used to be for foreigners, to say nothing of most western females being demonstrably un-marriageable due to being spiritually demoralized and/or spiritually lobotomized. However, with what information you've shared, I think your best option is re-training for another career field entirely. Ideally, one that has demand both in your home country, its neighbors, and other western advanced countries. Your body being in the wrecked condition it's in, and you being a resident alien, the best option I can recommend is that you consider a computer training certification program, before following up by finishing a college diploma in a related field, or one with comparable shared demand in the US and abroad.

If you need some options to start, then check out the organization "Per Scholas" as they've got locations all over the US. I suggested them last year to someone else, so there should be some people with more personal experience of them to share.

@AbusiveFather1

when to ask out a new girl, timing advice

i met a girl at a dance today (thursday night); she was with her friends (a guy and a girl), our dance was really fucking hot and her guy friend had to come in and interject, so she had to leave. i gave her my number, told her to text me - she gave me a call instead. i texted her 3-4 hours later (at the time i'm writing this post), she responded almost immediately.

i don't know how to proceed from here: my first thought was to not text her again until say wednesday, and tell her that i'm going to that dance again on thursday and that she should join me - partly because, if i ask her out this weekend, i feel like she's going to think i'm a loser that doesn't have weekend plans set up already (with other girls). then again, maybe a whole week is too long and she going to forget the encounter or a million other guys are going to pop up in her life over the weekend and what not. maybe sunday and go for drinks/billiards? but then is that too high-investment? is sunday even good for a date (in this case especially), because usually guys recommend going on first dates in the middle of week. should i text on sunday morning: "i'm going to shoot some pool later this evening, you should join me"? it is much more obvious that it's a date as opposed to going to the same social dance event, much less plausible deniablity.

when (what day) do you think i should ask her out? do you think i should text her more tomorrow either way? if so, what should i talk (text) to her about?

forgive the shitty formatting.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library.